The Immediate Protocol to Dealing with Grief

Follow these five simple steps to help yourself deal with grief and learn how to function again after a tragic event.

| September 2018

  • river
    Life will continue to move on but after dealing with the grief you will no longer feel as if you’ve been left behind.
    Photo by GettyImages/FG Trade
  • guide-to-grief
    “Notes for the Everlost” will take you on a journey through heartbreak and healing.
    Courtesy of Shambhala Publications, Inc.

  • river
  • guide-to-grief

For anyone dealing with grief, Notes for the Everlost (Shambhala Publications, Inc., 2018) by Kate Inglis is an enlightening and motivational story. Inglis takes readers through her personal journey of losing a child and how she learned to deal with the grief and continue to support and care for her loved ones. This excerpt is located in Chapter 1, “The Immediate Protocol.”

A distant acquaintance called me the morning after her baby was found not breathing. I don’t know anyone else who’s been through this, she sobbed. I don’t know how to live anymore. This is what I said to her then, and in our conversations since.

Maturity teaches us to pause before offering opinion, even if we think we’ll be helpful. Especially then. Humil­ity is in not telling other people what to do but in supporting others as they determine what they should do for themselves.

I’m not going to be humble right now. I have been to the same place, and I’d like to share with you some things I wish someone had shared with me. It might be helpful, if you’re a short time from your loss.



1. Don’t apologize.

It’s foolish to the point of reckless to be sorry for stepping on a land mine. Stop it. Don’t apologize for being sad. Don’t apolo­gize for reaching for the memory and substance of a baby who barely—or never—drew breath. Don’t apologize for speaking to the dead. Don’t apologize for no longer fitting into the ideal. Don’t apologize for subjecting everyone who loves you to worry. They worry because they care. Don’t apologize for making other people uncomfortable with the fact that you’ve just gotten the lower half of your body blown off. I’m sorry. I’m a bloody mess. I’m so sorry.

Stop it.

Laurastone
11/14/2018 8:03:08 AM

This is a golden gift to those of us who had not a clue what to do when death suddenly ended our lives as we knew them. Children who have siblings die young are the most vulnerable. People are getting much better at this but only because people like you share their experiences. Thank you Laura Stone




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